some saturday morning thoughts

It rained a lot last night. We have a metal roof & the sound of the rain pattering is one of my favorite sounds. Our days have been filled with 100 degree temps, bread baking, adventuring when possible, and growing a little baby. Within the past few weeks, I have gotten much bigger and next week we will find out the gender. I'm 5 months pregnant and thankfully have had no symptoms. The heat in and of itself brings along it's own slew of symptoms.

The clothes that once fit so comfortably now can barely pull over my hips. Mauricio asked me the other night if I missed my body how it was before. I absolutely miss it, but most of all, I miss not feeling comfortable in my clothes. I now live in dresses and the concept of pants is not even an option. I miss pushing myself in the gym and being able to see results. I miss not having to be cautious about the foods I eat. Most of all, I miss not having control over a body that is now rapidly changing without my jurisdiction.

All of this to say, I miss my old self, but I also praise the strength and gift of being a woman. The capacity to grow life and be the one to carry is a unique experience that a man will never comprehend. I've read many pregnancy books now & all of them talk about how to best take care of ones self to ensure a healthy pregnancy, baby, etc. But what they fail to mention are the emotional changes that a woman undergoes; mourning. Mourning the life of singlehood and transitioning to one that focuses on putting someone else first, always. Marriage is just a taste of this, but nothing compares to the responsibility of a child. Their life doesn't suddenly start when they are born, but started the day I found out I was pregnant. My life and decisions now directly, physically effect, another human.

Through this time, I have felt more connected and understood with my faith. Matrimony and family are both reflections of the love and relationship we are to have with God. I knew this before, but takes living through it to fully understand the depth of that love and commitment.

So in short, yes I miss the old me, but I'm also welcoming and eager to meet the mother and wife I will be on the other side.

As for Mauricio, he has been working so so hard with the bread business and his full time job as a chef. He always makes sure to make time to play soccer and eat pupusas though. His team has been playing really well and will move to be in the tournament next week. Mauricio's birthday is tomorrow, the last year of his 20's. We plan on eating sushi tonight, drinking fresh lemonade, and finding a cold river to swim in. He deserves to be celebrated so well.

To all of my friends and family back home, I miss you all every day and am also super jealous of the cooler temperatures. If you have gardens, please send me any and all pictures! I love to see what everyone's growing. As always, feel free to reach out, I'm always open to chat.

Love,

Claire